Patience. If there is one way that I wish I could be defined as, then patient would be it! This is one quality that I lack. I often examine myself and ask why? Why can't I wait a few more seconds while my curious 3 year old gets distracted while putting on her coat? Why do I get so uptight going through the nightly bedtime routine? Why do I so often feel so tense when dealing with my children, especially the last few minutes before leaving the house to go anywhere? Why do my children have to pull out EVERYTHING in a room when they play? My answer to these questions can be summed up very simply... I lack patience. This is not something that makes me happy at all. I truly desire to be more laid back and easy going. I truly wish I was simply more patient and calm. I bought a plaque and hung it on the wall in our kitchen that says "relax!" I was hoping it would be a daily reminder to not get so worked up over little things and to be more patient as a result. Well... unfortunately it has not been very successful!!
I remember as a child my mother telling me to count to 10. I absolutely HATED when she told me to do that!!! As an adult, I can see how this simple act of taking a few seconds and regaining self control might be beneficial. I realize that I do not have the ability to act patiently on my own. I am so thankful for a great High Priest that made the ultimate and final sacrifice on my behalf. He came to the Earth to live perfectly, to obey all of God's laws, to fulfill the requirements that God requires of His people. Jesus had no problem with patience. He is the perfect example of patience. When he walked and talked with his disciples and they didn't understand what He was saying, He simply continued to faithfully teach them. I am sure that I would have grabbed Peter by the shirt and shook him and said don't you get it???? Don't you see??? But not our Lord, He patiently taught and lived amongst them until the appropriate time for the disciples to see.
Oh that I could be more like Jesus. Ultimately I never will, this side of heaven. So while here, I must rely on the daily grace of God. I must remember how patient He is with me when I daily sin. Counting to 10 gives me 10 seconds to refocus my mind and pray for patience to be gentle with my children and others that I come in contact with daily. I must extend the same grace to them that has been extended to me. Thank you Lord that you are nothing but patient with me. I am truly grateful.
Wednesday, January 26, 2011
Tuesday, January 18, 2011
Contentment and His Sovereignty
Stay at home moms have a very unique "job." We are not on a bosses' schedule. We don't clock in and we don't clock out. We set our own pace and agendas. For someone with my perfectionist personality this has proven to be very difficult for me to grasp and manage. When I first began staying home I felt that I needed a specific schedule. I would spend time making out a detailed schedule that my first daughter and I would follow. "Down time" was even scheduled! I had a very difficult time simply enjoying the blessing of being able to stay home with my daughter. I thought I needed to be in tip-top shape and stay ahead of all things at all times. This is honestly something that I still struggle with today.
God has placed me at home to raise my children during this season of my life. This is where he has set me and is abundantly providing for me to stay here. So many times I have battled discontentment in my heart. I wanted to be doing more. I wanted to be out of the house. I had many many thoughts about what I could go do for a living. Or what could I do to make money and still be able to stay home. Being discontent with God's sovereignty had me very frustrated at times. I wish I grasped this concept more. My place in life right now is truly a blessing. God has always provided for our family so that I could stay home and take care of our children and home. That is his sovereign plan for right now. Later He might have me to be elsewhere. But for now it is at home. Therefore, I should be completely content with that place. Even on the very slow days when things are VERY mundane and somewhat boring. "The LORD reigns, let the earth be glad; let the distant shores rejoice. For you, O LORD, are the Most High over all the earth; you are exalted far above all gods." Psalm 97:1, 9
Oh Lord give me a contented spirit. Thank you for your grace and provision for our family. I am terribly sorry that I have snarled at your sovereignty through my discontentment. May I be joyful and grateful that you have allowed me to be at home with my children and husband.
God has placed me at home to raise my children during this season of my life. This is where he has set me and is abundantly providing for me to stay here. So many times I have battled discontentment in my heart. I wanted to be doing more. I wanted to be out of the house. I had many many thoughts about what I could go do for a living. Or what could I do to make money and still be able to stay home. Being discontent with God's sovereignty had me very frustrated at times. I wish I grasped this concept more. My place in life right now is truly a blessing. God has always provided for our family so that I could stay home and take care of our children and home. That is his sovereign plan for right now. Later He might have me to be elsewhere. But for now it is at home. Therefore, I should be completely content with that place. Even on the very slow days when things are VERY mundane and somewhat boring. "The LORD reigns, let the earth be glad; let the distant shores rejoice. For you, O LORD, are the Most High over all the earth; you are exalted far above all gods." Psalm 97:1, 9
Oh Lord give me a contented spirit. Thank you for your grace and provision for our family. I am terribly sorry that I have snarled at your sovereignty through my discontentment. May I be joyful and grateful that you have allowed me to be at home with my children and husband.
Sunday, January 16, 2011
Who am I?
This is a question that has plagued me for quite a while now. Growing up my life was defined by all of the activities I was involved in: softball, cheerleading, band, tennis, clubs, etc. I was a straight A student who wanted to be involved in everything available to me. As I have gotten older all of those activities have stopped and I have been forced to look a little deeper inside myself to see just who was in there.
For almost ten years now my life has been defined by the term wife. I have been married to Kevin Jackson for almost 10 years. They have been wonderful years. We often laugh and say that we finished growing up together. Which was quite true and a joyous experience. I have always desired to be a godly wife. One that loves and respects her husband. One who understands the true biblical meaning of submission and sacrifice. I have found that sometimes I am better at those things than others. I am learning how to be a wife that extends grace to her husband because she needs extreme amounts given back to her. Being my husband's helpmate is such a joy. We will often sit and talk about life, well not as often as we would like due to 3 very needy little people in our house, and on occasion the Lord gives me grace to truly help Kevin with my words. I am NOT a good communicator. I have a very hard time expressing what is going on in my head and heart. My beginning to type this blog is pretty funny actually. I am hoping that it will be beneficial to myself to practice getting things out and written down. Anyway, on the rare occasions when my words seem to help Kevin, I feel my biblical role as wife is being met. I am proving to be his helpmate and this makes me feel very good.
I have also been defined over the last six years as a mother. This has got to be the biggest challenge of my life. Being responsible for little lives is no small feat. God is using my own children to sanctify me. I see daily as I deal with my children how much grace I need from God. I see very clearly my need for the gospel. I am a complete sinner. I find so often my patience and gentleness with my children is no where to be found. I then am reminded of the gospel. My sin should have kept me away from God for all of eternity. However because of His grace to me through His son Jesus, I am forgiven.
On days like this morning that truth brings such comfort. I am a perfectionist. I like to be able to hold things together and have everything in order "as it should be." When you have a house full of three small children holding things together just doesn't always happen. I was getting myself and the kids ready for church this morning and every room that I walk into was an utter disaster. How does this happen???? It was just cleaned up! My heart drops and failure fills my mind. I look around and have thoughts such as you can't do this... you are not doing your job and homemaker very well! I become very frustrated and snappy with our children while frantically trying to pick up and get everyone dressed, fed, bags packed, and out the door. This is a scenario that happens quite often in our house. This morning as the same things were taking place as usual I was reminded that I am not perfect. I never will be perfect. I can't hold things together and never will be able to. Because of my imperfections and sinful desires (desire to control things) I need Christ desperately. After "pondering these things" I let go of the need to have the house perfect when we left and therefore become frazzled and in no condition to go worship God and rejoiced in the fact that Jesus was perfect. I didn't have to be.
For almost ten years now my life has been defined by the term wife. I have been married to Kevin Jackson for almost 10 years. They have been wonderful years. We often laugh and say that we finished growing up together. Which was quite true and a joyous experience. I have always desired to be a godly wife. One that loves and respects her husband. One who understands the true biblical meaning of submission and sacrifice. I have found that sometimes I am better at those things than others. I am learning how to be a wife that extends grace to her husband because she needs extreme amounts given back to her. Being my husband's helpmate is such a joy. We will often sit and talk about life, well not as often as we would like due to 3 very needy little people in our house, and on occasion the Lord gives me grace to truly help Kevin with my words. I am NOT a good communicator. I have a very hard time expressing what is going on in my head and heart. My beginning to type this blog is pretty funny actually. I am hoping that it will be beneficial to myself to practice getting things out and written down. Anyway, on the rare occasions when my words seem to help Kevin, I feel my biblical role as wife is being met. I am proving to be his helpmate and this makes me feel very good.
I have also been defined over the last six years as a mother. This has got to be the biggest challenge of my life. Being responsible for little lives is no small feat. God is using my own children to sanctify me. I see daily as I deal with my children how much grace I need from God. I see very clearly my need for the gospel. I am a complete sinner. I find so often my patience and gentleness with my children is no where to be found. I then am reminded of the gospel. My sin should have kept me away from God for all of eternity. However because of His grace to me through His son Jesus, I am forgiven.
On days like this morning that truth brings such comfort. I am a perfectionist. I like to be able to hold things together and have everything in order "as it should be." When you have a house full of three small children holding things together just doesn't always happen. I was getting myself and the kids ready for church this morning and every room that I walk into was an utter disaster. How does this happen???? It was just cleaned up! My heart drops and failure fills my mind. I look around and have thoughts such as you can't do this... you are not doing your job and homemaker very well! I become very frustrated and snappy with our children while frantically trying to pick up and get everyone dressed, fed, bags packed, and out the door. This is a scenario that happens quite often in our house. This morning as the same things were taking place as usual I was reminded that I am not perfect. I never will be perfect. I can't hold things together and never will be able to. Because of my imperfections and sinful desires (desire to control things) I need Christ desperately. After "pondering these things" I let go of the need to have the house perfect when we left and therefore become frazzled and in no condition to go worship God and rejoiced in the fact that Jesus was perfect. I didn't have to be.
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